1. Make sure everything your athlete touches is brand new. No used equipment or brother’s hand-me-downs for your budding superstar. Second hand is for losers.
2. Buy only the top level equipment, the kind the pros use. Special order it if you have to, or get your buddy’s cousin, who is the assistant equipment manager for the Green Bay Packers, to hook you up. If you want to be the best, you’ve got to have the best.
3. Get a large wheelie bag for your athlete because there is no way they will be able to fit all that expensive equipment, extra matching warm up suit and custom stuff into a regular old bag. And you don’t want them to strain something pulling it out to the car, so wheel it yourself.
4. When you get home, your superstar is bound to be tired so do him a favor and take care of his equipment, wash the uniforms by hand and hang it to dry while he plays Xbox. Do you think A-Rod washes his own stuff?
5. Filling water bottles is for lesser players. Your player needs to get stretched and focused. As a matter of fact, just take that on yourself, and make sure it’s filtered water from a glacier in Finland.
6. Sign up for the off-season elite training camp with the former pro superstar. Make sure you let everyone know that your player is working out with the pros. Name drop it as often as possible.
7. Don’t ask your little superstar-in-the-making to help out with routine household chores. He needs his down time, and besides, if you miss an elite training camp session because he pulled a muscle emptying the dishwasher, how would that look?
8. Talk to the coach before, during and after every game so that he understands how important it is that your athlete start every game, because those scouts can’t hang around for the whole game and they’ll want to get in a good look.
9. Help your player understand that sometimes coaches just don’t recognize talent. That’s why those other kids sometimes play while your player sits on the bench. Then leave another message for the coach.
10. Make sure that your player gets his due. Of course people are going to want to give you things, because everyone wants to be associated with a winner. And your player should have those things; he’s worked hard for them. People have no right to refuse your player when he has worked this hard.
11. And when you work that hard, you should be allowed to blow off some steam. Elite athletes are under a lot of pressure and sometimes drinking, carousing and hanging out at parties are just what they need to relieve the stress.
12. Grades and homework really aren’t that important. There are plenty of sources on the Internet to help with writing that paper or taking that test. It’s not cheating, it’s collaborating. When the big college signs your player, they’ll have someone to take care of that stuff so your player can devote himself to sports. Besides, his teacher is a big sports fan.
13. Start screening publicists and advisers to prepare for the inevitable media and recruiting interviews. Take out a second mortgage if necessary. A new house, complete with an Escalade and satellite dish, is just a signing bonus away.

Follow these steps and someday you’ll see your player’s name on this blog, or you might get interviewed for a story on Spoiled Athlete Syndrome. But by then, it won’t matter, because the only story greater than the sports hero is the fallen sports hero making his way back to greatness, right?

It’s been a long grueling tryout process but it’s finally over. The list has been posted and congratulations, your player made the team. But her best buddy didn’t. Bummer, that’s so sad. And wow! Really awkward. So how do you handle it? Here are some things to do, and not to do.

DO:

Express your disappointment. Yes, everyone’s bummed out but there’s no need to get maudlin about it. Something along the lines of “Sorry our kids won’t be playing together this season. The girls have such fun and we have to make sure they still see each other.”

Help your player understand. Some kids are very empathetic and will be very sad for their friend and themselves. And other kids will be all “Yayy me!” and not stop to think that their friend is probably upset about getting cut and will have a hard time sharing in the joy. So help them look at from both view points and explain that everyone can still be friends, even if they aren’t on the same team.

Let your friends vent. As happy as you are with the outcome, your friend may feel the selection was unfair, or there were politics involved or the coach is a moron for not taking little Megan. Don’t argue about it, just let your friend vent.

Arrange for some non-sport play dates. Do some of the things they both enjoy takes that whole weird uncomfortable sports dynamic out of the equation. Go to a children’s museum, enjoy a movie, just hang out and play. It’s good for kids to develop relationships based on more than who is their current linemate.

Sign up for a camp or clinic. So they can’t play on the same team, but they can still play their beloved sport together. Camps take away the game and tryout pressure and let kids just have fun.

See your friend play. Find a game when you can go watch your friend on her new team. Cheer hard and go out for ice cream after the game, just like you always did.

DON’T

Avoid them. The sports world is small and chances are really good your friends will make another team and you’ll run into them all the time. At some point, you’ll probably end up on the same team again so overcome any uncomfortable feelings you may have now and greet them like you always do. It won’t get easier and then they’ll feel like you were avoiding them for the last five years.

Diss the other kid. Maybe your little friend didn’t have the stuff to make the team but there’s no need to point that out. Even if you are feeling a little smug about the fact that your kid has mad skillz, just leave it up to the coach to explain why.

Keep bringing it up. Address it once with the parents and your kid then let it go. Maybe your little friend is happier on her new team. Rehashing the indignity of the whole thing isn’t going to help so just move on.

Yes, it’s a little disappointing and can be uncomfortable to be in this position. But many of life’s situations are like this so, hey, what a great learning experience for everybody. It’s up to you to set the tone. The kids will watch to see how you handle it so stay supportive, acknowledge the feelings and work to make sure you follow through with play dates and other opportunities to get together. As Buzz and Woody have demonstrated, friends are friends.

Readers, have you ever encountered this situation? What did you do? Please share your tips in the comments.

Knowing the importance of reading in brain development and school success, I kept at it. One of the things that really encourages an interest in reading is finding a topic that holds your child’s attention. Not surprisingly, for my kids that tended to be sports books, biographies of sports stars, the sports section of the newspaper, draft day previews, programs from sporting events and Sports Illustrated.

Sister hockey mom and author Kris Yankee understands this. As a freelance writer and mom to a couple boys, Kris  knows what appeals to kids, especially hockey crazed boys. Her brand new book Cracking the Code: Spreading Rumors takes the lessons of hockey and applies it to the everyday life of middle schooler Toby Karlson. Here’s a summary of the story:

When Toby Karlson, aka TK, is at the wrong place at the wrong time, he goes from cool kid to total outcast with just one hip check. Sixth-grade orientation was scary, but TK didn’t realize it would change his life. Now he has to hang out with the smartest and geekiest kid in school, while dodging the school bully and his posse. If TK were on the ice, he’d know exactly what to do. But this is life and not a hockey game. Can TK get his good-guy status back at fifth-grade camp?

I read Kris’ book, and while my kids have outgrown this age group, I think they would have liked it. It has elements that many tweens can relate to like trying to fit in, making good choices and being true to yourself. And it uses the lessons from athletics like sportsmanship and respect, along with some hockey analogies, to keep boys interested.

Book giveaway!
Kris is giving away a copy of her new book and you could be the lucky winner. Just leave a comment or tweet a link to this blog, tagging @TheTrophyMom so we make sure to see it, and we’ll enter you in a random draw. Entry deadline is midnight, February 8, 2013.

Sports titles to get your kids reading
If you are looking for some other sports titles (beyond the Matt Christopher stuff) to get your little athlete reading, here are some suggestions from my kids and trusted librarian friends.

For listeners and early readers:

Your Dog Plays Hockey by Charles M. Schulz

The Magic Hockey Stick by Maloney and Zekauskas

Sam the Zamboni Man by James Stevenson

The Field Beyond the Outfield by Mark Teague

Teammates by Peter Golenbock

For middle schoolers:

Summerland by Michael Chabon

The Big Field by Mike Lupica

For Teens

Gym Candy by Carl Deuker

Hoops of Steel by John Foley

Open Ice by Pat Hughes

Boy21 by Matthew Quick

For Girls

The Girl Who Threw Butterflies by Mick Cochrane

Yours Truly, Skye O’Shea by Megan Shull

Throwing Like a Girl by Weezie Kerr Mackey

MadCat by Kathy Mackel

Girl Overboard by Justina Chen Headley

Still struggling to get your little athlete reading? Here are some tips from RIF (Reading Is Fundamental) on how to get your child reading. What are your kids’ favorite books? I’m always on the lookout for suggestions.

1. Academic advising
Instead of waiting in line with thousands of other students to see an adviser, most schools have an academic adviser dedicated to sports. And they don’t want to jeopardize the program by having academically ineligible players, so they make sure the student athlete has all the required classes. Plus, at some schools, student athletes get to register early, before open registration, and can get overrides for full classes to accommodate their sports schedule. This is the best part, in my opinion.

2. Attendance, study tables and academic eligibility
You can’t force them to study, but you can force them to go to class and to study sessions, and monitor their grades if you are the coach of a college team. Does this mean every coach in every program does it? Heck no. There are plenty of schools that violate the academic integrity rules, with alleged academic fraud at the University of North Carolina being the most current example. To be fair, not all cheating is done by athletes, and there are plenty of clean sports programs. But it will help relieve your worried parent mind to know that someone is actually keeping an eye on them.

3. Swag
I’m pretty sure we will never have to buy an athletic workout shirt again. In college, uniforms and equipment are mostly provided (excluding tattoos). Sure, you’ll have to pay for some things, but the amount coming out of my pocket for my son to play baseball has never been lower. Except for that tuition thing.

4. Motivation
Just like in high school, college athletes have workouts to attend, off season and in season, and practices and team commitments. There’s nothing better to discourage a college kid from a late night drinking spree than knowing a 6 AM conditioning session is facing them the very next morning.

5. Connections and hiring potential
It’s not just making friends, but making connections that pay off long after you graduate. It’s another type of fraternity or sorority relationship that can help you get an “in” for a job, or impress an alumni that’s hiring. Plus it looks good on a resume, speaks to good time management skills and commitment and discipline, and all that other stuff employers says they like.

6. All that other fun sports stuff
Belonging to a group, instant friends, hanging with your bros (or girls), laughing, enjoying yourself and being active–all the same things that are good for younger athletes are good for college age athletes.  Plus it helps kids make some responsibility transitions, get more experience dealing with adults (without mom and dad managing the exchange) and fights homesickness.

There is a nationwide trend of colleges, especially Division III liberal arts schools, adding sports and activities to attract students. Especially the sports that Division I schools are cutting, like wrestling and women’s hockey. It has rejuvenated many small schools and given lots of kids, whose parents can afford the tuition, a place to play.

No scholarship? Don’t despair! If you can scrape up the money for a college education, there’s a good chance that your athlete can still participate. And who knows? After a season or two of impressing a coach, it might pay off with a scholarship, but it most certainly will pay off in other ways.

Reblogged from The Mommy Stylist:

By Kristin Hull

Dear Mommy Stylist,

With four school-aged kids who are all involved in sports, I find myself wearing team t-shirts often. But I never feel cute in them - maybe because the shirts are always boxy. How can I wear them so I don't feel so dumpy? 

This is an excellent question - one which I've struggled with when wearing "team" shirts.

Read more… 259 more words

Why would I defend the most universally hated people on the sports planet (well, next to this guy)? Not because it’s really just a bunch of whining, which it is, and excuse making, which it is, but because it does a disservice to the coaches, the players, and the refs. That’s right. Here’s why you need to get off big Blue’s back.

1. The ref didn’t win or lose the game (unless you are the Green Bay Packers)
The ref didn’t score a goal. The ref didn’t make a save. He didn’t get a hit, or make a double play. You play the game, the ref officiates the game. Do calls sometimes go your way? Yes. Do calls sometimes go against you? Yes. But the outcome is up to the players and no good coach or player will ever blame a referee for a win or a loss. When you pin a game’s outcome on the ref, you take away the responsibility, and the credit, from the players and coaches. You didn’t win because of a ref’s call. You won because you hustled to the loose puck, grabbed a rebound, or executed a bunt. And you lost because the other team did those things better. Blaming the ref is a disservice to everyone and a discredit to the spirit of competition.

2. You want good refs? Be a good sport.
When my oldest signed up for a ref clinic, a hockey coach friend of ours said, “Good Lord, what kind of parents are you who would do that to your own kid?” Every time a ref steps on the ice, the field or the court, he or she is subjected to extreme scrutiny and ridiculous pressure under ludicrously hostile conditions. Talk about a learn on the job situation. Is it any wonder that many leagues turn over half of their officials from year to year? Here’s a great take on that from Ross Bonander from The Hockey Writers.

3. You’ve got to start somewhere.
Your 6U soccer team isn’t going to have a FIFA level officiating staff on the field with them. The officials themselves are probably just a few years older than the players. The most self-assured 15 year old is generally not equipped to deal with out-of-control belligerent coaches and parents, with maybe the exception of this girl. After this interaction didn’t take care of business, she gave Dad a red card and tossed him.  And then there’s this news report of the 13 year-old ref ejecting a coach and unrepentent mom.Why do we think this is acceptable behavior by adults? And next time you start to yell “Ref, you suck!” remember that it’s someone’s kid out there.

4. Nobody here is a pro.
When you’ve got millions of dollars worth of salaries on the field and you’re playing in the Super Bowl, you can expect a pro level of officiating. But in youth sports, Tom Coughlin isn’t on your staff, Eli Manning isn’t on your roster, and Ed Hochuli isn’t making the calls. There aren’t any million dollar payoffs here, so lighten up, Francis!

5. But it’s their job!
Yes, folks, it’s true. They get paid to officiate games. Because, honestly, who would do it otherwise? Officials pay registration fees and shell out money to attend certification clinics, they buy their own uniforms. They take tests and get evaluated. It’s not a hobby.  Just like you, they take their job seriously and try very hard to do it right. No official ever walks into a game planning to make a bad call. Every single one is trying to do the best job they can. And sometimes, they screw up. It’s going to happen. That doesn’t give you the right to scream at them. Just let it go.

6. Perspective
You think that you watch a lot of sports? That’s nothing compared to what a game official sees. And here’s what refs have that you don’t– a sense of perspective that spans many teams, many age levels and many skill levels. There’s a graduated scale that they take into consideration when making a call. That’s why a hooking call in Midget hockey is a different call than in Squirt hockey. A strike zone in the 10U division is a lot different than in the 16U division. And a rec game is different from an elite level game. Refs have the perspective to know what is appropriate for each level and they know that if they called a trip every time two Mite players got tangled up and one fell down, it would be a constant parade to the box.

And so . . 
I have seen some games where I thought the refs missed some things, or approached the game the wrong way, or were just plain lousy. But I zip it because in any game, there are things you can’t control, the officiating being one if them. As a coach or spectator, you’ve got every right to expect that your game official will hustle to be in position, know the rules, and be prepared to do the job with the right equipment in working condition. After that, just line up and play the game and let your genius coaching strategy and hard-working players take care of the results.

Travel mug
This Contigo AUTOSEAL West Loop Stainless Steel Travel Mug is the mug for the mom. Its vacuum seal will not spill because of some nifty aerospace technology or something. It comes in a variety of colors and has a sleek, sophisticated shape, just like mom. Contigo describes it as easy to hold and easy on the eyes, again, just like your favorite sports mom. Costco has these in a two pack so you can get one for mom, and one for coach.  $21, various retailers.

Touch screen gloves
Mom wants to look snazzy and keep warm and use her touch screen. These Echo Wave Touch Screen gloves from Piper Lime are just the gloves for her. Long cuffs tuck into coat sleeves to keep drafts out, bright red is cheery even on a gloomy February day and touch screen fabric on index finger and thumb means mom can Facebook update and text dad every goal. $35 at PiperLime. (If Mom tends to lose gloves, you can get some fun colors and patterns for $3 at Target.)

Nice tote bag
This baggallini Hobo Tote is tournament worthy and really cute. It comes in a variety of colors so you can sport some team spirit or go classic. There’s an adjustable strap so you can wear it over the shoulder or crossbody, and it’s made of lightweight, water-resistant nylon. It’s even got a removable coin purse. What more could a mom want in a tote? $74.99 at baggallini.com or select retailers.

Really big umbrella
I know that a 68-inch umbrella doesn’t seem like the most glamorous of holiday presents but trust me, when mom is standing on the soccer sidelines in a steady downpour, she would sell her soul for this. This FootJoy DryJoys beauty features a double canopy (ooohhh) and vents to allow the wind through so it doesn’t turn inside out or rip to shreds. It’s got a nice shape that sheds water and doesn’t drip on your shoes. And it’s big enough to accomodate a friend. Well worth the $60 at DicksSportingGoods.com

Phone charger
When you are a mom on the go, you can run your cell phone or tablet battery down to nothing in just one sporting event. So keep mom charged with a myCharger rechargeable battery. Go for a quick boost to an iPhone with Power Bank 1200 at $39.99 to a full-on Peak 6000 that charges 3 devices at once, including iPads and other tables for $99.99 at myCharger.com. Mom will never be powerless again.

Gift card to her favorite coffee place
Every mom has a favorite coffee, from a double double at Tim Hortons to a Sea Salt Carmel Mocha at Starbucks or a Pumpkin Spice at Biggby. I recommend a chain or franchise for this because when you are on the road and need a cup of joe, you really NEED it and the quaint local coffeehouse isn’t an option when you are far from home. Load up a gift card and keep mom happy.

Skin care stuff
Mom’s skin takes a beating. All that sun. All that wind. All that worry. And none of the sleep. Treat mom with some luxurious skin care products to take care of her delicate complexion. This Kiehl’s Healthy Skin Essentials kit features a facial cream, a line-reducing concentrate, eye treatment, midnight recovery concentrate, and a canvas travel bag to hold everything. This bag of goodies features the finest naturally-derived ingredients, just like mom! It’s $89, online at Kiehls.com

Hockey pants
Maybe not the gift for every mom, but sometimes my family reads this. And I feel a breeze when I skate, one of the thigh pads keeps falling out and there’s a big rip that shows my undergarments and that’s not a good thing. So kids, if you’re reading this, I kinda like these CCMs. Remember, I’m on my derriere a lot so make sure they have good butt padding. CCM U+ 08 Sr. Hockey Pants, $69.99 at Hockeymonkey.com

I’m sure there’s got to be something on this list that would make your mom happy. And I’m sure there are some great gift ideas that I’ve overlooked. So that’s what comments are for. Leave your best gift ideas so you can help a mom have a happy holiday. Looking for some gift ideas for other people in your sports life? Check Gift ideas for your athlete and Your guide to the perfect gift for your coach. Now, start shopping.

Team dining can be a lot of fun and a great bonding experience, but it can be disastrous if you don’t know what you’re doing. So, take some advice from The Trophy Mom, survivor of many team dinners, and former truck stop waitress (yes, folks, the sass is legit) before your entourage heads out to dine.

1. If at all possible, call ahead. Even if it’s 15 minutes ahead, you’ll give the restaurant a chance to batten down the hatches and get some tables lined up so you don’t have to stand around in the entry way while other diners give you the stink eye. If you can make a reservation a few hours ahead and give the manager a chance to call in extra waitstaff, they will really appreciate it.

2. Try not to underestimate your group size. It’s way easier to take away tables than to find extras in a crowded restaurant.

3. Pick an appropriate restaurant. A kid-friendly restaurant with a big menu to satisfy a variety of tastes and picky eaters is the best. This is not the time to hit the trendy bistro, or the sushi bar or the 5 star place in your guide book.

4. It’s more fun for the kids to eat together and the parents to eat at another table. But you’ve still got to keep an eye on the little darlings. If you’ve got a team of boys, I highly recommend confiscating the salt and pepper and all those little packets of sugar and jelly. I watched in horror once as a kid downed about  5 sugar packets then followed them up with a grape jelly chaser. He was, predictably, a little out of control the rest of the meal. I’m not saying girls won’t do the same thing but in my experience, they are too busy talking and giggling.

5. Quick, get the kids something to eat. Even if it’s chips or breadsticks, a little something to tide them over before the meal comes will help.

6. To keep the bills separate, I recommend ordering by player number. This is especially helpful for when the kids are at another table or two servers are handling your group. You tell the server your player’s jersey number and they use that for the order. So, player number 5 and parent of player number 5 go on one ticket, which is easy to sort out at the end of the meal.

7. Pay attention when the food comes out. One of my personal pet peeves is when the poor waiter is standing there with a plate, calling out “Greek salad, no beets ” like an auctioneer while you jabber away with your dining partners, to finally realize that’s your dinner they are sending back to the kitchen. Make sure your player has their order, and alert the waiter if items are missing or wrong. It gets a little crazy with big groups so have some patience.

Waitress courtesy of flickr user Meagan Fisher by a CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 license

8. As soon as you have all your food, start asking about the bill. It can take a long time to get it all rung in, and standing around waiting for the check while trying to keep bored kids under control is challenging. Double check your bill, and also look to see if the restaurant automatically added a tip. Many restaurants will add a 15% gratuity for parties of a certain size. Feel free to add a few more bucks. Trust me, while your server is wiping ketchup off the seat and re-screwing on the tops to the salt and pepper shakers, he or she will appreciate it.

9. Leave the poor coach alone. This is not the time to inquire about your kid’s playing time or harass him or her about changing the lineup. Just let the coach enjoy the meal and be sociable.  And if kids are getting rambunctious, handle it. Don’t make the coach be the disciplinarian during the meal.

10. Remember that you and your player are representing your team. You probably have on team apparel and everyone in the restaurant is watching you, so make a good impression.

Follow these tips and you will survive your team dinner. You may even have some fun! Have some tricks of your own? Share them in the comments.